You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Randomize
