New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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