There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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