I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
