it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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