their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize