I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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