I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
She swung at the pinata with crutches
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
