I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
