lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
