I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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