Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize