Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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