he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
