So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
