She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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