Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
