Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
