Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Ketchup is God's man juice
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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