I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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