Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
