I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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