I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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