i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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