Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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