I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
