Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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