i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
