Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
