Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
whose ass print is on the piano?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
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