Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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