there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize