You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
