i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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