dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Is Oprah even human
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
