I'm drive I can fine osifer
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
