im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
