just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
