I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
