Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
