I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
