She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
