I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
