i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
