I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
i need some magic done to my vagina
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
