At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
is wine microwaveable?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Who died my cat blue again?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
