Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
