Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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