I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
