Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
