Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
