the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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