i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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