Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
