oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
