just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
