my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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