have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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