mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
