i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
