I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
