If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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